


Its All My Fault

by WhispyBispy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27810478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhispyBispy/pseuds/WhispyBispy
Summary: Tsukishima was always too harsh on Yamaguchi, but he never really noticed how much it hurt him until it was too late.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 45





	Its All My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic during a really bad state of mind. Its oddly a really nice way of comfort, but keep that in mind before reading. Its short, but bitter. Stay safe. You are loved.

Tears burn down my cheeks, leaving scars. It hurts so much. I let my legs go limp as i go to my knees next to what used to be my friend. When his face wasnt all tear and vomit stained. When his wrists weren't covered in blood and regret.

He texted me last night, funny enough. I thought he was being dramatic.

[Tsuki, can you come over? Im a bit upset.]

I was tired of it, ill admit. Every two seconds a new problem arouse and i just...got annoyed

[Really? Again?]  
[Deal with it yourself. Im busy.]

I wish i hadn't said that.  
Tadashi was sensitive, that was plain to see. So sensitive he had breakdowns over the littlest things. Like when i hadnt texted him all day, he had such a bad panic attack he threw up.  
Twice.

I remember just setting my phone down, leaving the ringtone off and going back to studying. It felt so much better doing something _I_ actually wanted to do other than helping Tadashi. Like a weight lifted off of my shoulders and i could just..  
Forget about it. Forget about his emotions and not stress about them so much.

Hes a pitiful mess is what he is.

I only really started caring when i woke up the next day to my alarm, and 30 unread messages plus 4 miss calls.

Most of them were him apologizing

[Tsuki im sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude i just really need help.]

Until that developed into

[Im so sorry. Its all my fault. Leave me, i know you do.]

And eventually

[Goodnight. My password for my phone and all my accounts are 72467.]

Which i found strange.

I walked outside after i got ready for school like normal. I contemplated not waiting for him, i really did. But that might've been too much on him..plus, he might need help on homework....but he never came.

By 7:30 i started walking alone. I cant wait for his little tantrum to be done, i had to get to school. I never texted him back. Not like it would've mattered.

As soon as i stepped in the doors of the school, a teacher stopped me and asked me to step into the office. I didn't think anything of it. Figured she just needed help with something...but she sat me down, looked at me solemnly, and ripped the news off like a bandaid.

"Tadashi Yamaguchi is missing, and we want to know if you have any idea where he is."

I felt relief after she finished her sentence. I was scared he'd be dead..but then again, if he was, maybe things would be easier.

"I have no clue where he is. He had an episode last night, im sure hes just skipping."

And with that, she let me go. And i went about my day.  
Til the walk home

Something in me told me to look for him. Go find him. Bring him home while calling him an idiot and that it wasn't that big of a deal.  
Maybe don't blow up my phone so much next time.

So i did. I walked off route, towards where i thought he might be. He always storms off to this little fort we made when we were kids out in the middle of no where. Which is in no means safe. But i have a feeling that's part of the point.

Walking there my hands felt cold, and i contemplating turning around. Going home would've been the better option anyways. I wouldn't be a part of this. I wouldn't be forced into therapy like i am now. Talk to someone who doesn't even care about my emotions and are just doing it for a paycheck.

But i didn't make up my mind fast enough. Before i knew it i was there, at the fort..

I called his name

He didn't answer

I hesitated walking forward. Maybe he went home. Maybe he didn't even come here. Maybe hes off somewhere else..

But he wasn't

When i stepped inside..he was there. On the floor. Cold. Still. Quiet.

Somehow he still looked hurt.

The blood wasn't fresh at all. It was brown and dried. All on the floor and his wrist. Empty pill bottles on the counter and vomit on his shirt..he didnt smell nice either.

For a second. I didn't feel anything. Looking down at him didn't feel real

"Get up, tadashi."

He didn't respond

"Yamaguchi get up."

He didnt blink

"Yamaguchi stop it."

He isn't breathing..

And i just broke.  
I fell to my knees, regretting every thought that had ever crossed my mind about wanting him gone. Cuz when he was..i realized i was more dependent on him then i thought. I need him more than i realized.

I sobbed there for what seemed like hours, holding his hand. His was colder than mine.  
It wouldn't get any warmer.  
And it never did.

Once the police were called to pick him up, they did infact confirm it was a suicide. He didn't leave a note. No explanation or story  
So of course i assumed

Its all my fault.


End file.
